Does Anyone SEE Me Now?<\/strong><\/h3>\nWidows often find themselves wondering what they should be doing with their time and energy. Especially if they were active working in ministry or their local church, or even if they were active volunteers in community organizations, this can be where the absence of a spouse feels most acute. Over the years of working together on volunteer projects or ministry assignments, couples develop a \u201cdivision of labor\u201d approach \u2013 he does some things while she does other things \u2013 all contributing to the final outcome. They are SEEN as a couple, and the results of their partnership are visible to those in their circles.<\/p>\n
But what about when that partnership no longer exists? What if he was the more assertive and she was his partnering assistant? Does the church or volunteer community even SEE her anymore? Or has she become the invisible remnant of what used to be a partnership? Recognizing that her strongest gifts are probably not the same as his were, do those around her expect her to continue on in the ministry he led, or are they sensitive to help her discover and use her own strengths and abilities in this new season of life?<\/p>\n
This time of transition for a widow is full of challenges and uncertainties. She suddenly finds herself in the role of \u201chalf of a couple\u201d \u2013 a role that most churches are not equipped to respond to. The majority of churches have programs for families, couples, youth, and single adults (many of whom are divorced or never married). The typical widow finds herself in a situation where she is a \u201cmarried single person\u201d! She doesn\u2019t fit with the couples\u2019 ministries, and she feels married and therefore doesn\u2019t fit with the singles\u2019 ministries! She must learn to think and live as an “I” when she still thinks and lives as a “We”.<\/p>\n
Many widows have expressed to me that they find going to church to be one of the most difficult things that they do since losing their spouse. Those who have never been widowed tend to be a bit shocked by that, as many of these women have been in ministry for decades. The thing to understand is that this is where they feel the absence of their husbands most keenly! They arrive alone, often sit alone, and many times no one even talks with them! Very often, the pastor has never even called to check in with them! The songs about God\u2019s faithfulness and going to heaven are wonderful, and worship can be an intimate time in God\u2019s presence. But for the widow, these often lead to a place of sadness: \u201cheaven is wonderful, God is there, my husband is there, I will go there eventually \u2013 but now he is there and not here. I am alone. Why did God take him? My heart is breaking\u2026. Why didn\u2019t God answer our prayers for healing?\u201d<\/p>\n
When widows are not overwhelmed with grief, they know the truth of God\u2019s word, his love, and his faithfulness. But there are those moments when going to church is a mountain too high to climb! She simply doesn\u2019t know where she fits in that whole picture anymore. Doors for ministry that used to be open may no longer be available to her. She feels largely invisible.<\/p>\n
The biggest questions on the heart of a widow have to do with her purpose for living and where she should be serving. She is often highly aware of her gifts and strengths, and she knows where she would love to serve \u2013 but there\u2019s no opportunity presented for her. On the other hand, she may never have explored how God has gifted and prepared her, and there\u2019s no one who is willing to help her discover that. She wonders, \u201cDoes anyone SEE me?\u201d Or even more, \u201cDoes anyone CARE about me enough to help me find my new purpose?\u201d<\/p>\n
There are many things we could suggest that a church do in order to raise awareness regarding the widows in their midst. Truly it is a loss to the Body of Christ when we neglect to tap into the many resources that widows in our congregations could bring to the table. However, that\u2019s a discussion for another time.<\/p>\n
If you are a widow reading this, and if this situation has been part of your experience on this journey of life, then I\u2019d like to move your thinking into a new path. Many of us partnered with husbands for much of our adult lives, and now he\u2019s gone. We don\u2019t know what to do without a partner. I\u2019d like to suggest a new perspective for you: Partnering with God in Ministry.<\/p>\n
When I teach on Hearing God\u2019s Voice, or Discovering Your Spiritual Gifts, I\u2019m often met with blank responses. Some have never considered that they could hear God\u2019s direction for themselves during this season. Some have never had teaching on the spiritual gifts, and thus have no idea what they may carry from God. In thinking about how to help widows discover purpose and direction, I find myself taking a new approach.<\/p>\n
Ministry opportunities present themselves, and God\u2019s goal is always that the needs are met, and the Kingdom is advanced. He brings to the table his character attributes that never change, and we bring to the table the skills, abilities, and spiritual gifts that He has put within us both at our inception and throughout the course of our lives. He gives us the opportunity to PARTNER with Him in order to see needs met in the lives of those around us. We\u2019ll discuss this a bit more next week, but meanwhile take some time to think on it.<\/p>\n
God may have taken your earthly partner home, but He has left us the Holy Spirit \u2013 a heavenly partner who will never leave us or forsake us. He has given us the opportunity to work with Him to accomplish His heavenly goals here on earth. Surely that is worth discovering! Join me next week as we explore this a bit more.<\/p>\n
As always, your comments and thoughts are welcome either here or email me at sheryl@freshhope.us.<\/p>\n
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<\/p>\n