‘Tis the Season….

‘Tis the Season….

It’s that time of year again! Here come the holidays, ready or not! November seems to have arrived while it was still summer here in Nebraska. Temperatures running 20 degrees above the average lulled us into thinking that winter would overlook us this year. However, a glance out the front door reveals a layer of red leaves that were ON the Maple tree last week and are now lying on the ground UNDER it. The Fall rains have blown in, and the temperatures are gradually dropping. Soon the flowers will be gone, the plants will be sleeping for the winter (or, in my case, sleeping in the trash cans!), and the deck furniture will be stored for another year.

And then, on the heels of the newly arrived Fall, we find ourselves preparing for Thanksgiving…again. Every year it comes – why should it surprise me? Every year Thanksgiving Dinner arrives, but the chair at the head of the table remains empty, and someone else must pronounce the blessing on one and all, because Dad (or Grandpa) is no longer with us. Will I ever get used to his absence during the holidays? There are those things he always did that someone else must now do.

The weeks between Thanksgiving Day and New Year’s Day may have been a magical time of year for you. I grew up in Michigan, and my husband was from Minnesota, so cold weather and snow have always been part of our holidays. Our Christmas traditions always included lights, decorations, the tree, programs, concerts, cookies and candy, nativity sets (I have about 30 of them!), fireplaces, and outdoor activities. Many years have seen all the kids and grandkids home for some or all of the celebrations, and our home was the hub of family activity. One year our daughter arrived and exclaimed, “It looks like a Michigan Christmas in here!” My heart was happy!!

But the years have gone by, and time marches on. The kids are now married and have their own families. The grandkids are starting to marry and are now going home to their folks. And, like everything else in life, change in my holiday traditions has been inevitable. My home is no longer the center of activity, and I find myself doing the going rather than the staying and entertaining. My role no longer feels central to the family activities for the holidays, and I find that a bit challenging. My family has now multiplied into three other families, and I must find my place in all of them.

Many widows find this change to be extremely difficult. For those of us who loved all the activity of being Mom and Grandma surrounded by hordes of small children, it can become a time of sadness, or longing for the “good old days” before everyone grew up! As with anything else in life, when faced with change, we can try to hold on to what used to be, or we can adapt and create a new reality.

Remember the kaleidoscope? Different doesn’t mean better or worse! It only means that something has taken on a new shape that doesn’t look the same as it used to. So, as you consider the upcoming holiday season, what traditions might need to change for you? What are some new things you could do that would bring a spark of life and joy to the season for you? Are there some holiday traditions that you’ve read about or heard of that you’ve wanted to try? As the old saying goes, “There’s no time like the present!” Why not start this year?

When my kids and grandkids are all together, you might find yourself looking around to see where Dave is. He was such a fountain of one-liners, and crazy idiosyncrasies, and funny things he did, that the whole family laughs about him and talks as though he’s still in the middle of us. One might be tempted to look for him at the table in the midst of the family Rook tournament, telling us all how to play our cards!! It’s not uncommon for someone to burst out laughing with a “Grandpa would have thought…..” We haven’t tried to hold on to any traditions from days gone by with him; we just keep him in the middle of our thoughts and laughter! …and that has been healing for us.

Are there things about your holiday gatherings that you can remember with joy? How do we go about honoring a loved one who has gone on ahead of us without getting stuck in morbid traditions? What will you do just for fun this year? (We have some ideas in the free downloadable in that section of the website.)

Proverbs 4:25-26 tells us this: “Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you. Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways.” Steadfast means that I am solid and stable, and won’t be easily knocked off balance. That happens when I am looking straight ahead of me, watching carefully where I walk, and being aware of what’s coming so I don’t stumble.

Before the holidays catch you off-guard, prepare yourself mentally, emotionally, and spiritually so that you aren’t tripped up by looking behind you instead of in front of you! Make plans ahead of time for this holiday season. Create new traditions if you need to, or establish and continue old traditions if that works best for your family. Most of all, remember from last week’s blog that God is concerned about every detail that impacts your life.

Let this holiday season be a time of renewed joy, a time of celebrating, and a time of looking ahead to what God has next for you as you continue to walk out this journey of being a widow with Him! As always, your thoughts and comments are welcome here or you can email me at sheryl@freshhope.us. If you’re looking for a new purpose and a pathway to move ahead, please consider joining one of our Refocusing Widows groups, either in person or online. You can register at www.refocusingwidows.org/Groups. We look forward to meeting you!