It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year???
Were you one of those kids who grew up in a family that made Christmas a really special, fun-filled part of your childhood? Was it a time of secrets, and surprises, and snow? Were there carols, concerts, and Christmas trees….candy, decorations, and presents? Maybe in front of the courthouse downtown was a lovely living nativity complete with sheep and donkeys. Remember those aluminum icicles that covered our Christmas trees? (Dave once commented that his mom’s tree looked like “the explosion of a tin foil factory!”)
And then there were the Christmas lights all over town. After the Christmas program at the church, the entire family may have gone on a traditional drive around town to look at the lights. Interestingly enough, some entrepreneurial types have now turned light displays into big business – complete with neighborhood competitions!
As we grew older, we realized that someone else was creating the magic of Christmas for us as children. We maybe had children of our own, and we became “that person” who was now responsible to create the magic. Somehow a little bit of the mystery disappears when you know what all the presents are ahead of time!
Suddenly, it seems, I find myself in a season where the family is grown and gone. Not only that, but THEIR children are grown and gone! And even more difficult, my husband is also gone. How the holidays have changed! I often feel lost in the in-between time of generations! The first great grandbaby arrived this year, but he’s still little and lives across the country. The nuclear family that made up my little flock for so many years has somehow detonated into other small families who live all over the country! The real difficulty with the whole holiday season seems to be one of trying to figure out my role and exactly where I fit into the picture.
Many widows find themselves struggling with feelings of loss or maybe even abandonment. It may feel as though the adult children have moved on to focus on their own families, leaving “Mom” to feel like a piece of baggage that didn’t get claimed at the airport. Of course, she knows this isn’t likely true, but the grief presses in, and the temptation is to get stuck dwelling on what has been lost rather than what blessings may still lie ahead.
As we navigate the holiday season, there are some things we can do to change our perspective, and some strategies that can help to protect our minds and hearts so that we don’t get stuck being devastated by loss. The most significant step we can take is to refocus our thoughts on the verses that tell us that God will always be with us. Take a few minutes to meditate on these:
Psalm 34:18: “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
Matthew 5:4 — “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”
Hebrews 13:5: “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”
These three verses from God’s Word assure us that although our hearts may be broken, and our spirits feel crushed, God is close to us. When we take the time to be quiet and wait, we will sense Him close by, carrying us in our grief. He promises that those who mourn will be comforted, and most of all, He promises never, ever to leave us alone.
Now that we have our priorities right, let’s look at a couple of other strategies to help.
1.) Ask for help if things like decorating and shopping are really important for you. Don’t let wandering thoughts tell you that you’re a bother! Lots of people are waiting and willing to help you with the things you can no longer do.
2.) Make plans ahead of time! Schedule activities that you really enjoy during the holidays. Maybe you have grandkids who would love to bake cookies with you. Or what about a cozy night with friends and a Hallmark movie? The season abounds with concerts, Christmas programs, and literally hundreds of possible activities. Take charge of how you will celebrate the season this year. (Sometimes what we feel stems from having no control!)
3.) If you don’t have family close by, invite friends or neighbors over for dinner, or a Christmasy evening of soups and snacks! You don’t have to be alone, unless that’s what you truly want!
4.) Start early and pace yourself! Be sure that you don’t get overcommitted and run out of energy before you run out of holidays! It’s okay to say, “No”. You don’t have to accept every invitation. Participate in those events and activities that bring you joy and that give you energy. Don’t force yourself to take on more than you can handle. Grief is exhausting enough without trying to fulfill unrealistic expectations.
5.) Start some new traditions. Maybe it’s too painful to try to keep the holidays the same as they always have been. Coming to terms with the fact that life changes and moves on can give freedom to try new things that you’ve never done before. Remembering is good, but ruminating isn’t at all helpful.
6.) If you’ve always had a Christmas tree and decorated your home, keep it up! It may seem like a lot of work, but having your familiar decorations around you will help; plus, it will encourage you to invite people over to share the season with you. Hanging decorations on the tree can bring back lots of memories – and you’ll soon find that they are pleasant, not painful.
In all of the hubbub of the season, keep your eyes fixed on the true reason that we celebrate: God sent His Son and called him Immanuel….God with us. Just let that sink in for a moment. God. With. Us. He loved us so much that He made a way for us to never be alone again. This can bring real comfort to our hearts whether we’ve lost a spouse, or maybe never married. God. With. Us. Such good news for us! Keep focused on the Truth, …and go forth and celebrate!
Como siempre, sus pensamientos y comentarios son bienvenidos aquí o puede enviarme un correo electrónico a sheryl@freshhope.us. Si está buscando un nuevo propósito y un camino para seguir adelante, considere unirse a uno de nuestros grupos de Refocusing Widows, ya sea en persona o en línea. Puede registrarse en www.refocusingwidows.org/Groups. ¡Esperamos conocerle!
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