What Happened to my Safety Net?

What Happened to My Safety Net?

Something rather mysterious happened to me when my spouse died! For years I had been fairly independent- parenting, working, doing household chores, ministering, traveling. I had lots of hobbies and interests that were different from Dave’s. We worked for a number of years in separate ministry situations, some of which required international travel for us separately. I drove fairly often from Omaha to Michigan, or to Northern Minnesota, and never worried about what might or could happen! Many would have told you I was strong, independent, and pretty self-sufficient. The actual truth was that Dave and I were very, very interdependent…something I only realized after he was gone.

When I was truly on my own, I surprisingly felt like all my self-confidence had disappeared! Things that used to be simple and easy were now huge mountains that looked too difficult to climb. The simplest decisions felt too overwhelming for me to make. I remember worrying about little things like windshield washer fluid and flat tires! What had happened to my so-called independence?!

As I pondered on this insecurity that was new to me, I realized that my husband had been a wonderful behind-the-scenes caregiver. He was my safety net that I could always call if something went wrong. He made sure everything functioned smoothly so that I could be “independent”. And now my safety net was gone.

There are, of course, practical things we can do to mitigate these feelings of insecurity. I traded in my car and leased a new vehicle so that I didn’t have to worry about mechanical issues. But then, I had to learn about licensing, insurance, oil changes, and buying tires! I sold our home and moved into a townhouse with an HOA so I didn’t have to worry about lawncare and snow removal. But then, I had to learn a whole lot about regular household maintenance. I only recently realized that I didn’t know how to disengage the smoke detector when it started “screaming”!

This ultimately brings us to the question of where our confidence should be resting. We refer to it as self-confidence, and maybe that’s part of the problem! I was surprised to learn that over the years I’d come to rely on myself, and then to lean on my husband. Somehow, my “confidence” had drifted away from primarily resting in the care of the Father!

These verses tell me some interesting things about why I can be confident:

Isaiah 41:10 tells us, “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Philippians 4:13 says, “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.”

First, I am never really alone if I am walking with the Lord. He promises to strengthen me when I feel weak or incompetent; He promises to help me when I don’t know how to do something; He promises to support me when I feel totally overwhelmed.   And finally, He says that I am capable of doing anything because He is giving me strength. This is a far cry from relying on my human safety net!

Our heavenly Father never fails us when we turn to Him. He promises that He will never leave us to our own devices! James 1:5 says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given him.” When I am overwhelmed and don’t know what to do, I can ask God for wisdom!

As the months and years go by, more and more situations arise that challenge my abilities and stretch me to the limits of my patience. Learning to turn to the Lord first has been a gradual process of daily growth. My human incompetence in so many areas leads me to a place of humility. That in turn increases my understanding of dependence on Him. My humble dependence on Him can lead me to a place of childlike trust that He will indeed care for and provide for me.

God has a special place in His heart for those who are defenseless, and widows fall into that category. The Children of Israel were told over and over to honor the widow, to care for her, not to abuse her, and to seek her welfare. Having no husband, God himself becomes her protector and provider. What a comforting thought that is! Our loving Father watches over every detail of our lives and nothing escapes his attention. Suddenly I find a different “safety net” that has been there all the time!

As always, your thoughts and comments are welcome here or you can email me at sheryl@freshhope.us. If you’re looking for a new purpose and a pathway to move ahead, please consider joining one of our Refocusing Widows groups, either in person or online. You can register at www.refocusingwidows.org/Groups. We look forward to meeting you!